Relationship Advice For Couples - Commitment is Easier When We Stop Taking Things Personally

Commitment is a funny word. The first definition in the Encarta® World English Dictionary describes it as something that takes up time or energy - not a very appealing proposition. The third definition says it's an activity that cannot be avoided. Yikes! The fifth definition refers to the act of confinement to a mental health facility. No wonder commitment within relationships is so tricky!

Only the second definition speaks to what we tend to mean when couples talk about commitment: devotion or dedication to a person or relationship. So, how do we wade through the other possibilities and make devotion and dedication the cornerstone of our bonds?

Let's start by looking at the negative experiences of "commitment:" we're losing energy, feeling trapped, maybe acting a little crazy. How did we get there? All too often, it's by taking things personally. You know the drill: your wife comes home grumpy from work and somehow it feels like it's your fault. Your boyfriend is stressed about a deadline, and you find yourself walking around on tiptoe. Your lover trips over the coffee table and you apologize. After another fight with your partner, you're wondering if maybe you're just no good at this relationship thing.

We can fall prey to taking things personally in any arena, but it's especially insidious in love relationships. We know this person better than anyone in the world, right? So, of course we can tell just how much their actions or reactions are really about us. But in reality we typically far overestimate our own impact - and in doing so, we sow the seeds of our own hesitancy to commit. By taking responsibility for their reactions, we inflate our own sense of importance and responsibility, but at the same time we create a losing proposition: why would we sign up for being permanently responsible for every peevish partner mood, every unfortunate incident, every failed communication or relationship snag?

How do we get ourselves into this way of thinking? Well, imagine a board meeting where all your worst insecurities have gathered to figure out how you should be running your life. Let's call them The Board of Mis-Directors. They'll tell you what you did wrong, where you're likely to fail, why others are laughing (or sneering) at you, how suspicious or angry you should be. And they will insist that you must take things personally. They yank on our need to know ourselves as significant, to know that we matter to our beloved (heck, to anyone) - sending us into spasms of worry and concern. This drama creates an illusion of importance, but let's get real: do we really want to measure our significance by whether or not our spouse is grouchy today?

In reality, taking things personally distorts our perceptions, wildly inflates our worst fears, and keeps us endlessly distracted from what really matters as we try to read meaning into irrelevant details.

The truth is: what your loved one does has astonishingly little to do with you. And that's good news!

There are so many things that affect how any one of us behaves. There's our upbringing, our culture, our personality, and our past experiences. There's the time of day, the time of the month, and the influence of the stars. There's the music we're listening to, the news we just heard, or whether or not we have a headache. (And this, as you well know, is not an exhaustive list!)

When we keep this in mind, it's much easier to remember why we're in this relationship in the first place. Chances are that you've chosen intimacy because you're interested in who your partner is - what is going on for them, what motivates them, how they see and experience the world. What if instead of taking your loved one's actions personally you paused and asked the question: "What else could be going on here?" Now you no longer have your back against the wall, wondering how you ever got yourself into this relationship and where the nearest exit is. Instead, you've asked an important question about someone you care about.

Devotion is being authentically interested in that answer. Dedication is being an honest companion, able to listen, support and challenge them in the places where their reality meets yours. Commitment gets a whole lot easier from there.

How to Use Feng Shui to Attract a Committed Romantic Relationship

If you want to meet the man or woman of your dreams this year then you should seriously consider using the principles of Feng Shui, the ancient art of aesthetics that aims to attract good vibrations or luck into the lives of people. Many people think that Feng Shui is just good at attracting wealth and materials possessions The truth is, it is s system that can enhance the life of an individual, in all aspects.

If you want a committed relationship, this ancient art can definitely help you. Just follow the tips below, and love will surely find its way to your doorstep.

1. Remove clutter from your bedroom. Clutter can affect your love life. Yes, it may sound like a far out idea but you'll understand the connection once you read more about Feng Shui principles. The presence of clutter can block the flow of good chi or positive energy that brings with it wealth, happiness and love. On a psychological level, removing clutter from your bedroom will alleviate stress and can make you feel more relaxed.

2. Make your bedroom good for two. Even of you are currently single, it will do your love life good if you will make your bedroom appear as if it is being shared by couple. This will attract love into your life and will condition your mind to be open to having a partner. If you are a guy, you may want to hide your collection of action figures or at least put them in another room.

3. Put symbols of a happy relationship in your bedroom. This means that nothing in your bedroom should represent loneliness or solitude. Always have two of everything: two candles, two flower vases, two chairs, etc. Doing this will make you more receptive to love and relationships.

These are just some of the things that you can do to use Feng Shui to attract a committed romantic relationship.

Relationship Advice for Women - Forgiveness Restores Commitment in Relationships

When our relationships are right, life is good especially when we can do what we want, when we want. But what happens when someone knowingly wrongs us and refuses to acknowledge or admit it. Our relationship with them is broken and our happiness leaves. So does our joy and peace. We want justice and refuse to be satisfied until we receive what we think we deserve. But justice seems to have lost her sense of balance. Her stumble disrupts our relationships.

Old hurts and pains surface, along with the memories and emotions associated with them. Instead of moving forward in victory, unresolved issues from the past unite with present hurts and shut us down emotionally. Until we unlock the mental prison where we incarcerate others and learn to release them through forgiveness, we are suspended in time and our relationships suffer.

Choosing to forgive someone who has betrayed, violated, abused or mistreated you is not easy to do, even if you are a Christian. Only when you choose to do what pleases God above what pleases you, will you be able to embrace the true concept of forgiveness.

What's the most awful thing someone has said or done to you? Does that event still hold you captive in the past? If so, are you willing to release the hurt, trust God to restore what the locusts have eaten, and regain an undivided soul to live in the present?

"You don't know what I have been through," you may say. It's true, I don't know what you've been through and I certainly don't want to minimize your hurt or pain. You may need professional help to resolve some painful issues in your past. Hopefully, at some point you will release the person who has hurt you in the past because you will then be free to move forward and enjoy your present.

Many people have in-law stories because of bad relationships. So do I. After choosing to forgive someone for all the anguish I endured in our relationship, I rejoiced when I heard, "Please come because I need you."

It is never easy to forgive someone who repeatedly causes you pain in your relationship. Years of unkind words and actions stoked my fires of anger and resentment. Even when I wanted to apply the words of Scripture to our relationship, one moment in the person's presence ignited my emotional embers to full blown flames.

This is only one of the many areas of forgiveness I have had to deal with in my life. This article is too short to share others. However we can take a quick look at Scripture for an example of how one person chose to handle those who had wronged him and refused to acknowledge or admit it.

Sibling rivalry can be very destructive at times. Genesis 37-50 tells the story of Joseph. His brothers sold him into slavery because they were jealous of his relationship with their father.

Potiphar, Pharaoh's official, bought Joseph and entrusted everything, except his wife, to him. Joseph obviously was a good looking man who had a tight, muscular body because Potiphar's wife got the hots for him. When Joseph refused her advances, she claimed he raped her. Of course Joseph's relationship with Potiphar was broken after being falsely accused. Potiphar had no problem throwing him in prison.

While in prison, God was with Joseph and gave him favor. The warden put him in charge of all the prisoners. Two prisoners asked Joseph to interpret their dreams. He did. One was restored to his position of honor, the other was hanged. The restored prisoner promised to tell Pharaoh about Joseph, but he didn't.

When Pharaoh needed his dreams interpreted, the restored prisoner remembered Joseph. Pharaoh was so impressed with Joseph that he exalted him to the number two position in Egypt.