Should I Agree To Be Patient And Wait For A Commitment Or Engagement?

I sometimes hear from women who have put a lot of time, love, and effort into the relationship with the man who they love. Often, when the relationship started, they had assumed that by this time, they would have been engaged or married. So, when these assumptions don't actually become a reality, they question their boyfriend and ask when the engagement might come. In response, they are often asked "to be patient." The woman often has no idea what this phrase means when in her mind she has already been patient and his pleas are starting to sound as if he's attempting to stall or if he has no real intention of making a commitment.

Common comments are things like: "I have been dating my boyfriend for over three years. When we first met, he was pretty clear on the fact that he wanted to finish college and start his career before he made any commitment. I understood that and this didn't deter me from getting into a serious relationship with him because I love him. Well, he graduated last year, but because of the economy, he hasn't yet been able to land the job that he wants. He has a job, but he isn't making much money. I was expecting an engagement ring this Christmas, but I didn't get one. I got a nice pair of diamond earrings but there is no commitment behind them. I could not hide my disappointment. I told him that I thought that we agreed we would get engaged once he graduated and got a job. He said he hadn't yet got the job that he wanted so he didn't feel financially ready. He asked me to please be patient with him. He says that once he is financially secure, I will get my commitment. Our relationship is good otherwise, but I think that our definition of financially secure is different. I don't need to be rich to want to be married to him. I don't care if we aren't well off. I just want to be with him and I don't understand why he doesn't feel the same way. It is starting to sound like an excuse. I have other men ask me out all of the time. Should I be patient with him? Or should I say enough is enough?"

Unfortunately, this is not a decision that I can make for anyone. Only this woman herself could decide if she still wanted to try to be patient or if she wanted to consider the offers from other men and declare that she was fresh out of patience. But what I could do was try to offer some insight and perspective on this situation which might make the ultimate choice a little more clear. I will attempt to do that below.

Ask Yourself If The Commitment Is The Only Conflict Within Your Relationship: It's very important that you take a very honest look at the relationship. Because you need to determine if his reluctance is due to what he claims or if it is something else. Because frankly, this woman couldn't control her boyfriend's job situation. Yes, she could support him with his job search, but the actual income he earned was out of her hands. So, it made sense to take inventory and to see if there was something else within the relationship that might be causing hesitation within him. If so, then she needed to control what she could and remove that obstacle. If not, then what she was really dealing with was a healthy and fulfilling relationship except for his reluctance to commit.

So her decision really came down to whether the relationship was worth the frustration that commitment issue was causing. And, she had to ask herself if she felt that he was sincere about being willing to commit once he obtained a better job. Because frankly, that could happen in the near future. And it was be sad if a brighter financial picture (and a commitment) was right around the corner but she ran out of patience before this could happen.

The Alternative To Not Having Patience: I think that it often comes down to how much the relationship means to you. If this is the only man who you want to be with and no other suitors even interest you, then you have to ask yourself if you are willing to walk away from this relationship that might not ever come again in order to declare that you are out of patience. I think that perhaps there is a better alternative to this.

You might ask your boyfriend how much income he would need to secure in order to feel comfortable moving forward with the engagement. That way, there is no longer any mystery about what needs to happen in order for you to move forward. And then you will have the information that you need to make an informed decision. But to answer the question posed, this relationship appeared to be sound and healthy. And the boyfriend seemed to be sincere. I couldn't make this decision about whether patience was the answer. But if it were me, I would ask the boyfriend to be more specific about his desired earnings and, once I had that information, I would probably be willing to have a little more patience.

Move Even Deeper Into a Committed, Loving Relationship With a Man

When it comes to women and relationships, in the beginning, most men think they want to "Have their cake, and eat it too".

No need to explain what I mean by this, because I'm sure you intuitively get what I'm talking about, and you may have experienced this with a man.

But... This is not the case with every single man that a woman meets.

Every once in awhile, a man will meet a woman and know very quickly - without a doubt - that he wants to be with her and only her. I'm talking about the situation where a man knows he wants to be with one woman because it feels right on a deep emotional level.

When this happens, the man will usually be the one to push for a long-term commitment.

And you won't have to do anything but keep being the great partner that you are, and help him with the things he wants to do, to keep you both close and together.

Sometimes though for some strange reason, the guys you don't want seem to always be pursuing you for more.

Maybe this has happened to you before... But you don't exactly know how or why it happened... Or more importantly, how to repeat it with a guy you really want...

Strange how that works, isn't it?

Your goal is getting a guy that you want, to want to be more and more committed with you!

A woman that truly captures a man's heart will:

Make a man feel, through experience, that he's better off being with you rather than being single, spending most of his time with his friends, or "sleeping around".

And...

Show a man, on a physical and emotional level, that he's better off being with you rather than any other woman he could possibly meet.

Probably not your favorite thing to hear, but most men are "designed" by nature to be able to sleep with a lot of women. Men have a "drive" that's part of their long time role in nature.

Of course, this is not the way most women were designed...

In order for you to make a man feel that he is better off being with you rather than living the "single life" and going around and sleeping with a lot of women... Or focusing obsessively on his career. You need to remind him of the benefits that a deep, connected, loving relationship brings... And unlock those hidden feelings inside of him.

Fortunately it's easy to do - especially when he already has feelings of attraction for you. You can turn those feelings of attraction into feelings of intimacy and passion.

So few women know how to help a man get in touch with this side of himself - the part of himself that all men secretly long to share - when you are the one that helps him to do it, he will automatically start experiencing a deep connection with you and want to keep it alive and growing.

This is not something you can do just by talking about it. The key is to actually get him to experience those feelings when he's around you.

The reality here is that a guy will not willfully commit to you unless you flip this "switch". And no amount of pleading, begging, withholding, etc. Will work.

When you do flip this switch and trigger these thoughts... He will be the one asking you to commit... Every time.

If a relationship isn't growing, it's usually dying... And perhaps the most important thing you need to know is to continue to strengthen the bond between you and your man,... Keep that fire of intimacy burning forever.

Every one of us dreams of one day experiencing that "storybook" romance with that special person we are meant to share our lives with...

We think about how wonderful it will feel to finally be with that person... Look into their eyes... And know that we've found the love and connection we've been searching for.